So, I have few friends who already planned to get married, not to one woman, but God willing, up to four women. These friends of mine are only twenty-ish years old, still studying, and well, not so organized. Not to condemn anyone, but I am a bit disappointed.
Yes, Islam allows a man to get married up to 4 women if he can be fair and just to them. Yes, the Prophet Muhammad S.A.W. had 11 wives. Yes, many Ulama' had agreed on the interpretations of sure An-Nisa on the polygamy matter. So what the hell am I doing writing down my disappointment?
See, I believe that in Islam, polygamy is one of many ways for Islam to take care of the women and their dignities. It is supposed to help out the unfortunate women, to love them and to take care of their needs.
By having many wives, the husband would have more responsibilities; and not the other way around. That's a simple logic. There's a guy who has 4 wives and he said that having many wives really makes his life easier because if he has to go somewhere for a long time to do dakwah, (he's in tabligh movement) his wives can look after each other, so he would not get worried being far away from them. Sounds like a pretty good deal isn't it? But, looking from another view, it is not that he would not have to worry about his wives while he's away because they can take care of each other; instead, he has to be really worried because he now has to worry about the safety and the conditions of not one, but four women while he's away. And how about the kids? Back to basic, whose responsibility is it to take care of a wife? Yes, the husband, not the other wives. If a man opts to marry more than one woman, it means he chooses more responsibilities, more provinces. It is just not right to leave your responsibility to someone else.
To some people, I may sound biased; be clear that I made my judgment based on my observation of the people living in my country. From what I saw, heard and perceived, many men desire to have many wives for the wrong reasons and use Islam to justify their actions. For instance, a guy wants to espouse a second wife to express his love in the 'halal' way and to avoid from doing maksiat. Well, this is also one of the reasons why you have a wife in the first place. If you already have a wife, and you want another because of that same reason, are you implying that one wife is not enough for you? Or, is it so hard to be loyal and faithful to your first wife?
Blame me if you want, because I am just pointing out some common things in our society. It is so common that nobody really pay attention to the details anymore. There are many rules to polygamy which one needs to abide, but many just pretend that these rules do not exist or apply to them. One scenario would be that a man wants to take a second wife, but he is financially unstable that he does not even have enough money to take care of his first wife!
Of course, not everybody is like that. There are still many people who do polygamy according to Islamic teaching, but deny not, humans are imperfect and prone to making mistakes. I just hope that any individual who planned to have more than one wife, do it because of Allah, not because of your own selfish satisfaction. Please learn and be more understanding of what polygamy really means and see if you really up for it.
Enough said.
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